The Bed With the Red Sheets

09 Nov

Who knows what led the maiden to the river

a shiver down her spine as she turns

to make her clumsy waltz to the judge’s bench

I wanted to drown in the bed with the red sheets
To hold on to the bull, and die

Yet I can’t help from surfacing,
After he taught me how
to breathe from ether as white as the stars

He is not a reveler’s god
but Dion envies the kisses
psychotropic, deep and asphyxiating
I am drowning in a shallow pool, I know,
but I can’t see the heads
Though I am sure they float about me
with eyes at once hallowed and devoured whole

Condescension dripping from my temples
Look what thoughts and inaction can do

You can let go of my ankles
because I don’t plan on sinking
close my mouth all you want to
because I don’t plan on drinking the brine

I may be stiff within your arms
but inside I am flailing
Survivor’s guilt is better
than the coffin they’d be nailing
I still hope that this spittle will make me more endearing
the voices are all dissolute but deeper I am hearing

Europa- I cannot carry you.

(Persona Poem Assignment)

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2 Responses

  1. Shatara Downs says:

    Thank you for the review! This was really through and awesome and I’m happy I have some direction to clear up some things.

    I kind of wanted to have the end be rushed because she is sinking into the water and her judgement is blurring with all of the different voices that she’s hearing until the end where she finds out for herself that Zeus does not mate for life and she ends up drowning with the others.

  2. Sarah says:

    There is a lot of really powerful imagery in this poem. The shift in narrator from the beginning to the main poem was confusing for me. Maybe if you put the third person narration in italics to further set it apart and make it clear that this is a different speaker? Additionally, the use of punctuation confuses. Sometimes you use it as where grammatically it makes sense:
    “I wanted to drown in the bed with the red sheets
    To hold on to the bull, and die

    Yet I can’t help from surfacing,”

    But other times it seems like their should be punctuation and there is not:
    “You can let go of my ankles
    because I don’t plan on sinking
    close my mouth all you want to
    because I don’t plan on drinking the brine”

    In both cases, the approach works, but using both approaches complicates the poem overall and makes it more confusing than it needs to be. You have spectacular imagery that it would be a shame if mechanics of the poem distracted from them.

to be Continued…

Tall Tales, Short Stories, Manifold Lives


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